I am going to try my best not to rant. I am simply sending a wish out into the world for the benefit of my son and other children growing up in "non-traditional families". I would love to see us all change our default setting away from families having a Dad, a Mom and siblings. In my work, I interact with children everyday and I make a point to never make assumptions about their home lives. You may think I am being oversensitive because I happen to be a single Mother, but truly this is not about me. This is about the fact that I don't believe children should have to correct preconceived ideas or justify their families to adults or other children.
I received an email recently from the manager of my son's team. It was addressed to The Parents of ____. Now, this is a team my son has been a part of for five months now. Apart from his Grandma bringing him to one practice when I had a late meeting at work, I have taken him by myself to every practice and every game. There has never been a conversation about his other parent and the fees were paid with a cheque in my name alone. It was strange to me that the email wasn't just addressed to me, as many past emails have been. It is easy for me to shake this off but it got me thinking about the fact that in the year 2016, we still make such assumptions about what a family should look like.
In my meanderings, I also recalled a conversation I had to have with my son after his little buddy gave him a birthday card with a hand-drawn picture of my son, me and his Dad. My son was surprised that this boy had drawn his Dad, when he had never seen or met him as he lives out of the country. I had to explain that this boy lived with his Mom and Dad (not a negative conversation by any means) but that he probably assumed my son did too. As a parent, I would encourage my child not to draw a picture of a friend's family if we were not absolutely sure of the arrangements. Clearly, it hadn't occurred to the parents in this family that maybe they didn't have all the information about our family. My son could even have an older sibling they had never met. How would they feel being left out of the picture? Interesting, isn't it?
We all know that families come in many, many valid, different and beautiful formations. The "traditional family" with a Father who goes off to work every day, a Mother who takes care of the house and children, and 2.2 children is actually quite rare these days. So why is it that many of us still assume that all families are the same?
I am not trying to point fingers or lay blame. I am simply asking questions and imploring that we all take note the next time we find ourselves making assumptions about a family. And please don't put a child in the position of having to undo incorrect assumptions or justify their family's arrangements.
I remember another conversation I had with my son on the drive home from daycare a couple of months ago. He was asking me how his classmate and her sister could possibly have been born in different places with different parents. After much discussion about all of the possible circumstances that could have been involved (as I don't have all the information), he finally matter of factly agreed that he thought they were step sisters whose Mom and Dad had remarried after divorces from each of their other parents. There was absolutely no judgement in his innocent words and questions. It was a very interesting and beautiful conversation that I hope highlighted for him that all families are different. These are the conversations that I hope will help him to accept his family circumstances and help him to realize his family isn't actually "different". Let's all take note from our children on this one. Let's all be more sensitive to the varied family formations out there and change our default setting for family formation from the "traditional" to "modern and varied and beautiful"!
I received an email recently from the manager of my son's team. It was addressed to The Parents of ____. Now, this is a team my son has been a part of for five months now. Apart from his Grandma bringing him to one practice when I had a late meeting at work, I have taken him by myself to every practice and every game. There has never been a conversation about his other parent and the fees were paid with a cheque in my name alone. It was strange to me that the email wasn't just addressed to me, as many past emails have been. It is easy for me to shake this off but it got me thinking about the fact that in the year 2016, we still make such assumptions about what a family should look like.
In my meanderings, I also recalled a conversation I had to have with my son after his little buddy gave him a birthday card with a hand-drawn picture of my son, me and his Dad. My son was surprised that this boy had drawn his Dad, when he had never seen or met him as he lives out of the country. I had to explain that this boy lived with his Mom and Dad (not a negative conversation by any means) but that he probably assumed my son did too. As a parent, I would encourage my child not to draw a picture of a friend's family if we were not absolutely sure of the arrangements. Clearly, it hadn't occurred to the parents in this family that maybe they didn't have all the information about our family. My son could even have an older sibling they had never met. How would they feel being left out of the picture? Interesting, isn't it?
We all know that families come in many, many valid, different and beautiful formations. The "traditional family" with a Father who goes off to work every day, a Mother who takes care of the house and children, and 2.2 children is actually quite rare these days. So why is it that many of us still assume that all families are the same?
I am not trying to point fingers or lay blame. I am simply asking questions and imploring that we all take note the next time we find ourselves making assumptions about a family. And please don't put a child in the position of having to undo incorrect assumptions or justify their family's arrangements.
I remember another conversation I had with my son on the drive home from daycare a couple of months ago. He was asking me how his classmate and her sister could possibly have been born in different places with different parents. After much discussion about all of the possible circumstances that could have been involved (as I don't have all the information), he finally matter of factly agreed that he thought they were step sisters whose Mom and Dad had remarried after divorces from each of their other parents. There was absolutely no judgement in his innocent words and questions. It was a very interesting and beautiful conversation that I hope highlighted for him that all families are different. These are the conversations that I hope will help him to accept his family circumstances and help him to realize his family isn't actually "different". Let's all take note from our children on this one. Let's all be more sensitive to the varied family formations out there and change our default setting for family formation from the "traditional" to "modern and varied and beautiful"!
Comments
Post a Comment